I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
