I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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