just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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