that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
