"it" just moved
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
