i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
