I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
