So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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