I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
