I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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