Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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