Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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