I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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