i can't believe i had my finger in that
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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