she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
