I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
