who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got chris browned last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
