i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
