can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
