my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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