At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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