Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
