Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
