dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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