i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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