I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
