She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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