I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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