I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
