My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
