you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
