with your own penis?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
