I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
