she looked like the bat from fern gully.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
