you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
