I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
