Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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