I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
