If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
