I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
