I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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