He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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