Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
