dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
