I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
