well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
