I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
