shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
