they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
