Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
