my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I smell like Dick and happiness
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
