I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
