he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
