I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
