just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
