I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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