im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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