Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
